I’m the youngest son in a devout Latin Catholic family. The idea that I would go into the priesthood was never even questioned. Nobody ever asked what I wanted to do with my life, just told me how proud my mother must be, and what an honor it was to answer God’s calling. I never really questioned it, myself. I just tried to live up to the boy I thought a future priest would be. I’m shy and very introverted, so I suppose, in some ways it was a relief to not feel the pressure of dating girls, much less having sex with them. Before I came to St. Peter’s, my father took me aside and made me promise to tell him if I hated it. He said not to worry about what my mother and my aunts thought. He would deal with them. Actually being here hasn’t been bad at all. The other boys are closer to my “type,” I guess, intellectual, sensitive, not much inclined to sports and stuff. I assumed that would be true about sex as well. It’s not, though! They try to keep it secret, but there are lots of other boys doing stuff, and lots of quiet gossip about who is doing who. Allegedly, even the priests are in on it. That is super secret. The boys that have been with one of the priests are told not to tell anybody. It’s crazy to think young guys in a dormitory are going to keep secrets like that.I’ve tried to resist that, even though I was really shocked that priests are having sex with the altar boys. I guess I shouldn’t be. I mean there are all of these scandals in the church lately. At least the boys at St. Peter’s aren’t underage, or anything. I don’t know. I just thought that was like rare things that don’t happen very often. Even though I've turned down the other boys that want to do stuff, I can’t help but think about it… and think about the Fathers, too. It never even crossed my mind to think about having sex with an older man. The other boys who have, liked it, though. Not always right at first, but they get into it. Even trying not to, I found myself looking at the Fathers. Thinking about what it would be like.I kept coming back to Father Snow. There’s just something about him. He has a full beard, and shaves his head. He doesn’t really look like a priest. He’s very open to the boys, too. More friendly. Almost like an older brother. I can’t really imagine having sex with him, just because I don’t know what that would be like, but being close to him makes me feel… comfortable, like warm and fuzzy. He hugged me once and he smells good. Not like nice cologne. Like he smells good. I don’t know if that's weird.The other day, I was in the rectory, praying. I like to go there because it’s quiet, and I don’t feel conspicuous. In the Sanctuary, it somehow feels closer to God than just praying in my room, but it’s really public. That’s crazy. I don’t know. Anyway, it’s what I do. So I’m there kneeling on the prie dieu. I was actually thinking about the sex stuff. The other boys say that the priests tell them it’s okay, as long as we do it for God. I just don’t know.So anyway I’m there and I hear someone come in. I didn’t turn around at first. I thought they would see that I was there and leave, or maybe they needed something from the bookcase. Then I felt a hand on my shoulder. He told me to focus on praying, but he didn’t move his hand. It was Father Snow! He actually started massaging my shoulders. He has really strong hands and it felt good.But then I felt his beard tickling the side of my face like he was caressing me with it, or trying to smell me. Then he pressed his erection into my back. That was when the thought sort of exploded in my mind. This was it! He was there because he wanted me. I didn’t know what to do. Should I get up, push him away, and leave? I should say,”no,” at least. But… it felt good. I didn’t want him to stop. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to have sex. I wasn’t convinced that it was okay.He started kissing my neck and biting my earlobe. I didn’t know anything could feel so good. His hands were just all over me, stroking, kneading. My penis was harder than ever before in my life. He was unbuckling my belt. Then he slipped his hand down in my underwear and stroked me with his fist. His skin was warm and soft. His grip was strong. He smelled so good. I just melted. I knew I wasn’t going to say “no.” It was like the other boys said, even if you don’t really want it, there is a point when it just feels too good to stop. He could do whatever he wanted with me. And I would do anything he asked me to. Then I wondered, what does cum taste like?